Scribble-nots (Or, Super-string-squiggles)

As a child, I would often become distraught and overwhelmed by pressure to succeed, though it was that I did not push for this success that I realize now is one of the past patterns that I build around myself. I have recently, as you may know, begun to really open myself up, and let flow the things I have been holding on to for far too long. I want to really be that creative being of light I feel I can become. It's odd how enlightenment, or what have you, can often come from deep-seeded problems and issues we must face. I have done terrible things in my life, and worst of all, I have not forgiven myself for much of them. I am in the act of "doing" therapy and meditation, affirmation, and guidance from somewhere else. I discovered something that works for me, and maybe you might find it useful too.

Call it "an exercise in surreality/absurdism"

One of my tools that I am actively using and more and more as I go daily, to ward off depression and feelings of guilt, is a guide by an author on affirmation, and how holding onto these past negative or otherwise helpful emotions and "patterns" causes much stress on the body, mind, soul, and existence in general. Modern science is finally getting with the picture that chemical emotions light and sound are very much connected. Ancients had more of a grasp on this oddly enough. By the way, what I'm doing here is run-on-writing - a technique I gained in literal academia while in college - quite useful when trying to get out of your "head-space." Hence the tangent.

Back to one of my original thought reasoning points. So, I have this guide, and it has lessons based on forgiveness, feeling more confident, and generally more at peace with the self, allowing it to be less contained and strangled. This particular section I am on is about past forgiveness, and letting go of grief and self destructive thoughts. Getting back to when I was a child, in school, I would often mistake letters and then scribble them out in haste, in a sense trying to erase them from view, with a big, scribbled, mess. This just a while ago is where that leads:

I did an error in my list of forgivenesses, and instead of scribbling and moving one, I paused on the scribble, and continued to write stream of thought in it - and area no bigger than a pea. this did a few things to my thought process. It is both an immediate physical release - free from worry that anyone, or even myself will ever understand the words specifically - but also, I have been watching a lot of Cosmos, and Carl Sagan/Neil DeGrasse Tyson's guidance in that respect. I think I may have touched on what "dark matter/space *is*

It's left over data that will never be interpreted and only collects more and more "data" It is both there and not. It is both creativity and destruction. It is an absurdly simple way to see something unfathomably complex. What is "data?" In computers and electronic devices, it's electrical impulses and sub-atomic vibrations (keep that in mind) In living creatures, it is chemical and electrical impulses that govern the very stuff *of* life. In the cosmos, it's the crunching down of infinitely massive bodies of matter that then convert into an astronomically small 'point' of massed information...

EVERYTHING is connected. There is no "vacuum" only various concentrations of... stuff. When this "stuff" comes together, you have building blocks for more "stuff" - ad-infinitum.

Squiggles in space. That is what is pushing everything "apart" in the known universe.

I often think outside the box, and often that lead to "crazy" ideas and theories. Those have happened a bit in the past as I have understood.

{Squiggle Therapy}
Take a predetermined small space on any medium - paper, chalk-board, what have you. Create a barrier within which you will "stream-of-thought" - folding back on itself and maintaining that area only. Build and build as much as you are comfortable with - and then step back. Observe the small "blob" you have made. Realize that that is manly an uninhibited interpretation of what was only moments ago locked inside your own head. Get comfortable. Go into a deep thought of all that that space means. Interpret the complexity that was only a bit ago "data" spilling out of your brain, through your arm, and out the writing utensil. Observe how it makes your body/mind/spirit/existence feel.
Do it again until you let go of the things that are really only just scribbles.

Copy-write Christopher William Reed April 7th, 2014.

One last thing:

Here is a creature of intense complexity and beauty, and yet, they are "just" flowers.

Pulling things together. Motivation, and finishing what I start.

I really should be focusing on the positives, I have health, good friends, family, and the love of another beautiful creature - though I keep noting in the back of my mind "So why aren't I doing more with my life?" - I am a photographer, though my skill feels like it is slipping, and I really don't like that so much. I have this nifty blog, to update my works and such, though I've let it slip far too often. I do fairly regular meditation, but my head isn't always focused, and my body gets off center and ungrounded. This is pretty darn unacceptable. I must do more with this precious time I and we all have, called existence. Live it. Love it. Be part of it.

That stated, though it is now the - oh man, 20th of January 2014, I'm starting a new project. A little more ambitious than the 365, though this one will be monthly. I wish to show growth, specifically of plants, in that they do it when we aren't looking as it were - human perception allows for only so slow of development - so I will be shooting in "fast time" in that I'll be shooting one area of heavy plant growth and development over the year. I'm going to go with once monthly, to show definitive growth, and also to be less overwhelmed than with the 365. Lets face it... that was a pretty big set of work.

As it happens, I have a location near by that is pretty fantastic for this: The Jordan Street Community Garden. I've always loved the impact that a community garden has on the neighborhood, and on people in general. At it's core, its localized food production, but so much more. It helps people with their focus and motivation - while also instilling a sort of "zen" to their daily lives.

Join me on this new project would you?